I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
