Can Purell be used as lube?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
