We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Green mimosas i think yes
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
