i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
