another moral hangover. fuck.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
