my phone needs a breathalizer
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Enjoy the penises
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
