i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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