This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
