What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
