Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
We are all done wearing pants today
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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