Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
