oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
