dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
