Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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