i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
