I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
