I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I don't deserve a penis
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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