New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
