My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
