we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
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I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
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Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.