Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
