I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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