I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911