Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
