man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
