Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I think weed is turning my hair brown
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
