I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
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