we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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