drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
