end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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