Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
