Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
