i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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