i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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