you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
there is glitter all over my balls
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
