i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
