CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
