You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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