Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
