all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
