even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
