By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
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He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
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She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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