I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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