i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
