What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
