Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
