so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
now i know why i became what i already was.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
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my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
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I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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