he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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