what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
