The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
