My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
ugly people sure do ruin things
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
