and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
