Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Randomize
