I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
