Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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