u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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