Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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