doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
