I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
