I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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