Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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