Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
