i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
