my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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